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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

ESPN Has A Tebow Ner

College football is almost upon us.

If you haven't picked up on this realization, then you are either un-American, or have been living under a rock... Or both.

All you have to do is turn your TV to ESPN.

Or log onto ESPN.com.

And you'll hear all about the upcoming college football season.

Well... All about Tim Tebow...

But that's all college football is? Right, ESPN?

However, you can't fully blame them for talking ALL THAT IS TEBOW 8 days a week. Tim Tebow was definitely the best all around player in college football last season (not the best quarterback, but that's another topic for another day) and he probably had the single biggest impact that any player had on their team last season.

The problem is, when I watch ESPN: The Gainseville Leader In Sports... errr, The Worldwide Leader In Sports, I would like to gain knowledge on everything in college football. Not just Tebow's photoshoot for GQ. (We'll leave the sexy pictures... no homo... to the rookie NFL quarterbacks.)

Whenever I see "College Football Preview" on the Sportscenter rundown menu, I get excited.

...Only to be let down shortly after watching it, realizing an ESPN College Football Insider just wasted two and half minutes of my time talking about Tebow's latest dentist appointment.

Honestly, the only things we have heard about from the SEC Conference this summer has been about 2% Kiffin and 171% Tebow. They cover Tebow so much, it's mathmatically inaccurate.

All I'm saying is I would like to see some sparsity.

I love college football just as much, if not MORE, than the next guy. I want to know about all quarterbacks, all teams, and all conferences. Except the MAC. Talking about that conference would put me to sleep faster than one of those noise machines that produce noises of waves crashing, a gentle stream, rain, and a heartbeat. Although, the heartbeat one doesn't help me fall asleep. That one actually creeps me out to the point where it keeps me awake in fear of Freddy Krueger.

We're spending so much time on a guy who will probably be the next Eric Crouch. No offense, Eric.

Hopefully, this is just another flavor of the week for ESPN. You may recall some of their previous flings with Brett Favre, Michael Vick, Manny Ramirez, Mark Sanchez (post NFL Draft), Tyler Hansbrough (pre NBA Draft), and Barack Obama (for his take on any big sports news, even though we could care less). Their relationship with Obama is one of those where although they are dating someone else, they always recall back to Obama to mess around with because they know they could get away with it.

It's like if your girlfriend was hooking up with one of the Jonas brothers. You would totally let it happen just for the sake of you saying that your girl is swappin' spit with a Jonas. Meanwhile, your girlfriend continues to hook up everytime they are on tour within a 100 mile radius of your town.

Where was I, again?

Everyone at ESPN finds a dominant personality and bases every show on their network to that one figure. Except maybe Bob Ley.

He continues to talk about inspiring stories on Outside The Lines that have little to know importance or relevance, but yet his stories still find ways to get your eyes to start sweating.

Long story short, ESPN, let's just tone it down a notch with the TMZ updates on Tim Tebow.



Stop wearing sweatpants, ESPN.
Your Tebow Ner is showing.



2 comments:

John said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HS8qqNnR3aM

Where's ESPN on this nugget of info?

Will said...

Well crafted article!!! It is so true!!! Tebow is a great player no doubt but he isnt college football there are 119 other teams that make up Division 1 (FBS whatever). Great job Austin and Hilarious Title!

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