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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Who Not to Start - Fantasy Week 8


Who Not To Start - Week 8:
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Larry Johnson

I’m going have to go ahead and say choosing the subject of this week’s Who Not To Start was the easiest decision I’ve made in quite a while. Well, maybe not as easy as my decision not to join Jeff in his beard growing experiment. Poor guy.

Anyway, as most of us know by now, except maybe these guys, Larry Johnson had a week to forget this past week. After publicly bashing his coach on Twitter, he took it to a whole new level and bashed one of our own.

In an attempt to kick him while he’s down, I officially name Larry Johnson this week’s Korked Bats' Who Not To Start recipient.

No one calls my man Jared gay and gets away with it.

When I first heard about the comments I was very surprised and questioned his motive. After thinking about it a while I came to the conclusion that maybe Larry Johnson was the gay one and was taking out his insecurity on an undeserving Korked Bats writer.

Then the following picture was presented to me (Trust me, its real. No Photoshopping was involved.):

ljalone

I’m going to be honest. I didn’t get the Christopher Street reference Larry made in his tweet to Jared. I think the reason is that I’m not gay. But by the looks of the picture above, LJ knows the area quite well and will probably be spending some time there now that he’s suspended from the NFL.

If you are yet to be convinced, here are some other reasons why I think Larry Johnson is a gaybird:

  • Seriously, just look at the picture at the top of this post.
  • He wears diapers
  • He hates women. He has been arrested 4 times since 2003 for various assault charges on women. (Including waving a gun, pushing a woman to the ground, pushing a woman's head, and spitting in a woman’s face) If you’re going to be gay that’s fine. You just don’t have to be so anti-woman. Just ask this guy.
  • He wears purple bandanas around his neck and points at people. Look:

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All these reasons, coupled with the fact that he’s not even playing (even if he was, his 2.7 yards per carry and zero touchdowns this season didn’t exactly qualify him as a fantasy stud to begin with) should be enough for you to not only not play him this week, but cut him from your team immediately.

And Larry, if you somehow read this and it offends you, you probably shouldn’t tweet about me. Roger Goodell won’t be happy with you.

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