Does anyone else see it?!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
You don't have to read this if you don't want to. I mean, I'd really, really like you to. Really, really bad, but the main reason I'm posting this is because when you root for the Royals, you have to suck every last bit of joy you're given, because said moments are always very few and very far between.
Starting a series of tweets for my 18 followers titled: "Debunking Every Cy Young Candidate Except Zack Greinke." Enjoy.
Start with Verlander: 4 of his 15 wins came in games that he gave up at least 4 runs. Greinke is 0-6 in such starts.
Other than W-L and strikeouts, you will find no other peripheral stat that Verlander has bested Greinke in. Verlander's out.
Sabathia- The Yanks score 5.6 rpg in his starts. Greinke? 3.6 rpg from Yuni and company. Greinke has more Ks, IP/start, WHIP, etc.
Sorry CC, don't eat your feelings.
Another interruption. Planet Earth. Is back. Boom.
Interrupt update for this: Dave Winfield- "Peter [Gammons]...you thought [Greinke] was a Cy Young candidate early in the season." Suck it.
Next victim: Beckett. Gives up a run and a half more per per 9 IP. 39 fewer Ks. 15 fewer IP (albeit in one less start) 22 (!!) home runs.
Take your 3.80 ERA and think about next year Becks.
Feldman (Tex)- sample size too small. Numbers (other than misleading win total) unimpressive. No thanks.
Halladay- Only bests Greinke in IP/start and BB stats. Good campaign, though, probably 3rd best candidate.
But, Halladay has struggled of late, and hasn't been as impressive across the board as Greinke & King Felix. Sorry Doc.
Edwin Jackson- better than Greinke in NO statistical measure that I could find. Sry.
Nathan and Rivera- anyone that only throws when their team is leading in 9th inning and only throws 70 innings is null and void.
More on Nathan and Rivera- current stereotyped role of "closer" makes in nearly impossible to win Cy. Role not as relevant as past. Sorry.
Brings us to Felix Hernandez. ERA+ (stat that adjusts ERA based on ballpark, schedule, etc.) Greinke: 180; Hernandez: 157- advantage Greinke
Greinke also has lower WHIP, ERA; more Ks, IP, CG and shutouts; fewer home runs & walks; lower BA against; better K/BB ratio- you name it.
Please SOMEONE make an argument for another pitcher. If only hard-headed, win-centric, old baseball writers were following me on Twitter.
Final thought on Greinke- if he puts up the numbers he's currently paced for, and doesn't win the Cy, its legitimacy needs be questioned.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
You might not recall that because we have yet to tell you since we just found out late yesterday afternoon.
- Will the show continue after football season? Great question! Glad you asked. The answer is YES! We obviously won't broadcast from the stadium after the season ends, but we should maintain the show through Christmas break and into the Spring Semester.
- Will you still be friends with me now that you're all 'big time?' The short answer is 'no.' I don't have time for the long answer. Now make me coffee.
- Is it true that Austin has a tattoo of a red, white and blue eagle across his chest? Oh he has the tattoo, but it's not on his chest.
- What's the worst movie sequel of all time? Easy, 102 Dalmations.
- Who will you have as guests? We've brainstormed a ton of people that we're going to pursue, some more realistic (our friend and fellow Korked Bat author, Kyle) than others (anyone else). Just kidding. I hope. But we've talked about current student athletes and coaches, former Mizzou athletes, local sports writers, Val Venis, etc.
- Will I be able to listen to your show even if I am out of the Mid-Missouri market? YEPPERZ! You can catch the shows live on the stations website and, barring any setbacks, we should be able to post our shows as podcasts in case you guys can't catch them live. Nothing is chiseled in stone, but our school mascot isn't the Fightin' Irish for nothing! Right? Yeah!!
- Will I be able to get involved in the show? Of course you can! We're still working on panning out some ideas, but we're definitely going to involve our readers somehow. We might use Twitter. We might use the comment section on the blog. We might even let you take Austin out on a date. The bottom line, though, is that we want to use your thoughts and ideas on our radio show.
- Do I have a gambling problem? Only you can answer that question. No one can answer for you. Be strong. People, including us, care about you. In the meantime, over/under 8 wins for the Chicago Bears this year? I'll give you good odds...
- Which one of you guys is the fat one? Austin and Jared: (at the same time, pointing at each other) "He is!"
- Alright, seriously, will it be good? We're going to do our best. Seriously.
Friday, August 28, 2009
This first video is the infamous "How Was Your Summer?" question and "Walking On Campus".
I know this has nothing to do with sports, but heck, it's Friday! RELAX!
Our e-mail is: email@example.com
Enough talking today, enjoy these funny athlete interviews:
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A few weeks ago, my roommates and I sat down to watch First Kid. Save the jokes. I highly recommend watching a movie from your childhood any time you get the chance. Anyway, during a scene in which Luke Davenport (the president's son) is talking to a "Hot 21-year old girl" on the internet (actually his old secret service agent who somehow fell into a downward spiral after he was relieved of his duties), Luke uses- what I tend to think, at least- the term (or abbreviation, or meme, or whatever) LOL for the first time in cinema history. No joke.
Now, if you'll allow me to do some juxtaposing here, I'll take this somewhere.
- First Kid was released in August of 1996. Based on what I know about film (very little), that means that the movie was completed somewhere around late 1995/early 1996.
Figure in the fact that the film was shot in some actual high security places in Washington D.C. (which would've slowed down the filming process), I would wager that filming started in early/mid 1995.
- Using that, it would be my guess that the script was written in early 1994 (when you figure in casting, contracting, Sinbad's ego, etc.).
- Now, it's my guess that by the time the screenwriter was writing that scene, LOL had to be prominent enough for him to include it in a film, but not so popular that it's use would be cheesy, so I'm going to go ahead and date the creation of "LOL" as a conversation piece around 1992.
- Conveniently, that was the same year that Brett Favre burst onto the scene in his second year in the NFL.
The mothership has done plenty of it. I don't need to tell you my opinion on whether or not I think he'll do well this year, whether or not it was a good idea to stay retired, or whether or not I think the Vikings improved the quality of their squad by signing Favre. That's all treaded ground. You've gotten enough of that. I wouldn't be telling you anything you haven't already had pounded down your throat via Skip Bayless, and washed down by every other American with a column, blog, radio show, or TV show.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
And you'll hear all about the upcoming college football season.
But that's all college football is? Right, ESPN?
The problem is, when I watch ESPN: The Gainseville Leader In Sports... errr, The Worldwide Leader In Sports, I would like to gain knowledge on everything in college football. Not just Tebow's photoshoot for GQ. (We'll leave the sexy pictures... no homo... to the rookie NFL quarterbacks.)
Whenever I see "College Football Preview" on the Sportscenter rundown menu, I get excited.
...Only to be let down shortly after watching it, realizing an ESPN College Football Insider just wasted two and half minutes of my time talking about Tebow's latest dentist appointment.
Honestly, the only things we have heard about from the SEC Conference this summer has been about 2% Kiffin and 171% Tebow. They cover Tebow so much, it's mathmatically inaccurate.
All I'm saying is I would like to see some sparsity.
I love college football just as much, if not MORE, than the next guy. I want to know about all quarterbacks, all teams, and all conferences. Except the MAC. Talking about that conference would put me to sleep faster than one of those noise machines that produce noises of waves crashing, a gentle stream, rain, and a heartbeat. Although, the heartbeat one doesn't help me fall asleep. That one actually creeps me out to the point where it keeps me awake in fear of Freddy Krueger.
We're spending so much time on a guy who will probably be the next Eric Crouch. No offense, Eric.
Hopefully, this is just another flavor of the week for ESPN. You may recall some of their previous flings with Brett Favre, Michael Vick, Manny Ramirez, Mark Sanchez (post NFL Draft), Tyler Hansbrough (pre NBA Draft), and Barack Obama (for his take on any big sports news, even though we could care less). Their relationship with Obama is one of those where although they are dating someone else, they always recall back to Obama to mess around with because they know they could get away with it.
It's like if your girlfriend was hooking up with one of the Jonas brothers. You would totally let it happen just for the sake of you saying that your girl is swappin' spit with a Jonas. Meanwhile, your girlfriend continues to hook up everytime they are on tour within a 100 mile radius of your town.
Everyone at ESPN finds a dominant personality and bases every show on their network to that one figure. Except maybe Bob Ley.
He continues to talk about inspiring stories on Outside The Lines that have little to know importance or relevance, but yet his stories still find ways to get your eyes to start sweating.
Long story short, ESPN, let's just tone it down a notch with the TMZ updates on Tim Tebow.
Stop wearing sweatpants, ESPN.
Your Tebow Ner is showing.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
There is nothing else in the world that brings dignity and respect quicker to a persona than a good mustache.
So from here, just watch this video. It pays credit to where credit is due...
...the upper lip hair.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
For months here at Korked Bats, we've had this ongoing series known as the "Random Athlete of the Month" where we pull an obscure figure out of the depths of our memory banks and refresh our readers' minds on how important/not important that person has been in the sports world. From Delino DeShields to Diamond Dallas Page the theme has been trying to find a name we haven't heard in quite a while and to make us all say, "Ahhh, I remember him!"
I've decided to take a different approach and select Caster Semenya as the official Random Athlete of August 2009. Why, you ask? Because he/she (we'll get to that in a second) is probably going through a difficult time right now. You may wonder why someone who was just named South Africa's teenage 800m champion would be the subject of my sympathy, but here's why:
Read that last sentence again. Are you serious? This CAN'T end well. Either we've caught a transvestite trying to jeopardize the integrity of the great sport of South African teenage running (talk about a world changer), or even worse, someone has to tell this poor girl:
"Oh, sorry. Yea, we just thought that...ummm, well....we all decided that you look exactly like a..oh gosh, how do I put this...a man. You look like a man so we felt it necessary to test you for that. But no worries, you aren't. Sorry for the misinterpretation of your physical makeup. Here, take this Christina Aguilera single as a token of our apology."
We've all seen people like this. Usually working behind the counter of a Wendy's or something. People you wouldn't bet a dollar either way because you just have no idea what they are. They even made a movie about this socially awkward situation. But even in the movie people are afraid to let the subject in question know that their gender is undetermined by the rest of the world.
Let me just say this. I really hope "she" turns out to be a man because if not, it's safe to say her self esteem is about as low as the Cowboy's new $40 million scoreboard.
If there is anything positive to come out of the situation (besides the results) it is the following two quotes from Caster's father:
"I knew she was different to the others and even now if you speak to her on the telephone you might mistake her for a man. But I used to change her nappy and I know she's a woman. What better proof do people need?"I didn't make those up.
"I don't know what a chromosome is."
So let's make the most out of this situation and turn this into a game. Leave a comment on what you think the gender is. And if you say male and end up being wrong I hope you find it difficult to sleep, you heartless buffoon.
Ok, yea that's a guy.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me three times, SCREW YOU BRETT!
Ok, so this has obviously been a busy week. I moved back to school earlier this week, I did some yardwork for my mom, Y.E. Yang beat Tiger Woods in the PGA Championship, I went to some freshman bar-b-ques around campus for some free food, Plaxico is going to jail, Brett Favre unretired again, I went to WalMart, I lost two games of ping pong, and...
I'm not going to lie, I was writing a really funny post recapping Tiger getting upset at the PGA Chmpionship when I heard this news. I was going to call the post, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"...
...Ok, I never really actually started writing the post. In fact, the only idea I had for it was the title. But still... Brett Favre is back? What the heck?!
On a side note, did anyone see the mothership's coverage of Brett's return. The four letter station bought a freakin' helicopter to follow the car he was riding in to and from the airport.
Brett got more coverage than the president!
No... Wait... Nevermind. Obama still gets more facetime on ESPN than Brett. Of course, next March after Brett retires for the off season (again), they will probably ask him for his March Madness Bracket and probably find it necessary to fill us in every single day with the results. As if we care.
Brett's getting more media attention than Jon and Kate, Ocotomom, and Willie Beaman combined!
He's like Jason Voorhees. He just won't die (figuratively speaking, of course).
Right when you think the series is over and Jason is dead, they come out with another Friday the 13th movie with some ridiculous plot of how Jason had been resurrected.
Right when you think his career is over and Brett is retired for good, he comes out and says he still wants to play.
He has flip-flopped more times than John Kerry in the 2004 election.
However, with the return of Favre, this begs the question, will John Madden make a return too?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Now that is in-depth insight! I mean, come on! After reading this article, I am still left wondering what Smoltz's role will be? What the heck else can a pitcher do?! A pitcher can only be a starter or a reliever.
That's like saying when watching an episode of Boy Meets World, Topanga will either be fat or hot.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
In a recent interview with Esquire magazine, Tennessee Titans Quarterback Vince Young made some guarantees that many fans and media persons find will be hard for the former Pro Bowler to accomplish. However, Vince didn't tell Esquire ALL of the things on his career to-do list:
Be the next black quarterback to win the Super Bowl
Be elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame
Retake the Wonderlic Test and get better than a 6 (out of 50)
Polish National Championship ring
Keep shirt on at parties
Go to a parties that girls will actually be at
See the newest Harry Potter movie
Deny any other offers to be on the cover of Madden again
Streak across University of Texas campus
Then streak down 6th Street in Austin, TX
Then streak to party that no girls will be at
Learn to wear helmet properly
Forget how to wear helmet properly
Polish National Championship ring again
Maintain second string quarterback job
Be the next black quarterback to at least START for Titans
Be the next black quarterback in outer space
Be the next black quarterback to win an Oscar
Be the next black quarterback to be a white quarterback
Check and see if National Championship ring needs polishing
Polish National Championship ring
Build a time machine, go back to start of 2008 season, don't get injured in Jaguars game, lead Titans to a 10-6 record, barely make playoffs and lose a close game in the first round. Maintain starting role for 2009 season, never make guarantees in Esquire magazine, which means this Korked Bats post never gets written...
With said time machine, go back to November 5th, 1955. Stop Biff from recieving Gray's Sports Almanac from future Biff. Help the McFlys kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance and get back to the present in time to take Jennifer on a camping trip in the mountains in your sweet new Toyota 4x4 Pickup Truck!
Realize hoverboards don't work on water... Unless you have power.
Purchase newest copy of Esquire Magazine
Read the article about yourself while polishing National Championship Ring