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Monday, November 30, 2009

Random Athlete of the Month - November

I know all of you have probably been sitting at your computer all month hitting refresh every few seconds in hopes that Korked Bats has released the Random Athlete of the Month. Am I right? If so, boy are you in luck. After forgetting to appoint anyone in September and giving the crown to Fred McGriff in October, we are excited to name Karim Abdul-Jabbar November's Korked Bats Random Athlete of the Month!



No, not the actor from Airplane, this guy:



Karim Abdul-Jabbar

Karim is one of those guys I would have erased from my memory bank years ago if it wasn't for the greatness of a little thing I like to call NFL Blitz for Nintendo 64. Other people like to call it that too, so I hear. While I usually stick with the Browns and my boy, the unstoppable Tim Couch (yes, that's his wife), the combination of Abdul-Jabbar and Dan Marino is one that always strikes fear in my eyes as an opponent. I'm pretty sure it's just because he shares his name, number, and college with the leading scorer in NBA history, but Karim put together some nice stats during his first few seasons in the NFL in attempts to show the world there was room for two Karim Abdul-Jabbars in this great country of ours. Lets take a look:

  • One of two Dolphins in history to lead his team in rushing his first two years in the league
  • Led the NFL in total touchdowns in 1997 with 16
  • Averaged almost 1,000 yards rushing in his first three seasons
  • Then he got traded to the Browns and was about as productive as President Obama (35 yards per game and ZERO touchdowns)
Now that we've taken a very brief look at his playing career, let's dive into the little legal issue he had with the other Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I've never understood the whole "Abdul-Jabbar-Shareef-Abdur-Rahim-El-Amin" Muslim name change thing but that's another day, another story.

Anyway, the other Kareem filed a lawsuit against the football playing Karim because there were too many similarities between the two and he felt that Karim was making profits off the name. Lame if you ask me.



Somehow the Laker Kareem won the lawsuit over the Dolphin Karim and forced him to change his name!

So, at birth his name was Sharmon Shah, his Imam named him Karim Abdul-Jabbar, and the offended Kareem forced him to change his name to Abdul-Karim al-Jabbar.

Confused?

I am.



Unfortunately I was unable to find any game footage of Karim. However, if you would like to waste 3 minutes of your life watching some idiot record himself playing Blitz, you can see a virtual rendition of Karim. He actually scores on the first play after some nifty moves.



Sunday, November 29, 2009

Te-blown Out of Proportion

(Quick Editor's Note: This post was written before Florida's game against Florida State, so all of the stats are current through 11 weeks. Also, Tebow's performance against Florida State, the one where the blocking was so good that he wasn't touched on either one of his rushing TDs, doesn't change Jared's opinion.)

You might call it a vendetta. Some may call it sacrilegious.


I don't know the exact word for it, but I can tell you this much: I care a little too much about, uh, educating people about exactly how overblown Tim Tebow has become.

I am, of course, no pioneer nor the lone voice in this matter. Deadspin makes a weekly mockery of the deity our media has made Tebow into. We've made fun of it on this blog. Other blogs have taken their shots.

Unfortunately for every sinner hiding from Tebow's mystical mystiqueness, there's a good samaritan fully basking in his glory.

So, as long as a national voice holds the opinion that Sir Tebow is the Sportsman of the year, you'll have to forgive me for my continued transgressions.

I'm taking aim at the notion that Tebow should be a Heisman trophy finalist, and belongs in the conversation as winner.

Let's debunk some farces:

Farce #1:
Chill out, Jared. Tebow doesn't have the numbers to get invited to New York this year

Ah, how right I wish you were, #1. Here are Tim Tebow's numbers through 11 games this year, and through 11 games last year:

2009: 1,945 passing yards, 65% completion percentage, 14/4 TD to INT, 155.42 QB rating; 706 rushing yards, 11 rushing TDs

2008: 2114 passing yards, 66% completion percentage, 22/2 TD to INT; 427 rushing yards, 11 rushing TDs

For those of you struggling to comprehend the Book of Numbers, here's what you need to know: Tebow's slightly depreciated passing production this season are balanced out by his improved rushing numbers.

Also, Tebow missed a large chunk of Florida's game against Kentucky because of head trauma and still wasn't 100% for the LSU game two weeks later. Those in favor of The Cause will certainly take this into account, unless they believe Him to be invincible (which I wouldn't rule out).

Work all of that in- and figure in a better team record for Florida this year than last year- and Tebow is a decent showing in a win over Alabama from being invited to New York. Stamp it. You heard it here first.

Farce #2:
Tebow's numbers are a product of SEC defenses being the best in the country, so you'd be dumb to heavily weight them in his Heisman candidacy

Uh, yeah. About that. Counting by points allowed per game, there are currently three SEC team defenses in the top 20 in the nation (including Florida). Florida has played one of them (LSU). In 2008, there were five team defenses in the top 20 (including Florida), and Florida played three of them.

Rather go by total yards allowed per game? There are five SEC teams in the nation's top 20 (including Florida) in '09. Florida has played two. In '08 there were also five including Florida, and the Gators played three of them.

Simply put, that argument was more valid last year, WHEN TEBOW DIDN'T EVEN BELONG IN THE TOP FIVE IN HEISMAN BALLOTING! AHHHHHHHHH CAPS LOCK!!!!

Farce #3:
Florida wouldn't be the same without His Tebowness.

I mean, really? I guess if you mean "Tebow doesn't play, isn't replaced, and Florida plays 10 on 11 without a quarterback, THEN Florida wouldn't be the same without him" then there's an argument to be had.

And sure, it's true that Florida wouldn't be as good with a replacement-level-or-worse quarterback. But if you stuck backup John Brantley in there at QB with those 13 Rivals 5-star recruits on the roster not named Tebow, I have a hard time reasoning that Florida still wouldn't be the best team in the nation.

For those of you not aware, Florida's defense leads the entire nation in scoring defense and yards allowed per game. Do you really think it takes "the best player in the nation" to score at least 12 points per game with a great coach, great offensive line, and great skill position players?

Again, 13 5-star recruits not named Tebow. The best defense in the nation that, despite what some of the more devout followers may try to tell you, Tebow is NOT a part of. Do we really think it's because of a QB that has accounted for less than 3,000 total yards that Florida has reached this pinnacle? Because of one quarterback? Really?

And seriously, save all the "leadership" comments. Have you been in that Florida locker room? Do you really know how big an impact his head-butting, screaming and overall insufferable-ness really has?

Farce #4:
Tim Tebow is the best player in the nation, regardless of statistics, and not only should the Heisman be convoluted so He can win it, but the award name should be changed to the "Tebowman Trophy."

Here's a reading from the secret, unpublished Book of Jared: "Go love thyself."



Saturday, November 28, 2009

Who Not to Start - Fantasy Week 12


Who Not To Start - Week 12:

Leonard Davis

Before you read this, understand that I do know the Cowboys have already played this week on Thanksgiving but I felt compelled to expose the NFL's heaviest player in honor of the holidays. Add that to the fact that I'm pretty sure there isn't a human on this earth that actually relies on my fantasy advice, aside from this guy (he told me this past Wednesday after our annual Turkey Bowl backyard football game in which his team beat mine twice, jerk).

Anyway, I didn't watch the Cowboys game because Tony Romo annoys me and the Raiders have a coach that beats women. But I can bet you that 392 lb. offensive guard Leonard Davis was highly distracted by the delicious Thanksgiving feast calling his name on the sideline thus limiting his abilities on the field.

Browsing one of my favorite websites, KidzWorld.com, I learned that Leonard has weighed over 300 lbs. since 7th grade! The only guy I can remember weighing that much in 7th grade was....wait, that's mean. I won't go there.

To put his weight in perspective, lets compare this mammoth creature to some other players in the NFL. And by players, I mean the combined weight of these players.

He weighs 49 lbs. more than Roscoe Parrish & Dennis Northcutt, combined.

roscoe-parrish

45 lbs. more than Brian Moorman & Samari Rolle

Brian Moorman by markkonezny.

40 lbs. more than DeSean Jackson & Jacob Lacey



Aside from his unbelievable weight, Wikipedia had a few other fun facts about Mr. Davis:
  • Leonard is the only child of L.A. and Sammie Lee Davis, but has 21 half-brothers and half-sisters (L.A. had 11 children from a previous marriage, while Sammie Lee had 10 children from a previous marriage). I don't know whats cooler, having 21 half siblings or a mom named L.A. & a dad named Sammie Davis.
  • He won state championship in basketball in high school. How annoying would it be to have to guard a man of his size? Big Baby doesn't have anything on Big Leonard.
  • Davis is the bassist in the heavy metal band Free Reign with Cowboys' teammates Marc Colombo and Cory Procter with guitarist Justin Chapman. Ummm, heavy metal?
  • According to Forbes, Davis was the highest paid NFL player and 19th overall athlete in the 12 month period ending June 2007, earning $25.4 million. I guess the Cowboys must have wanted to compensate for his weekly quadruple digit grocery bills.
So if you have a time machine and can travel back in time to the day before Thanksgiving, do not start Leonard Davis. But don't tell him because I'm fairly positive he'd spread you on some saltines and eat you.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Fightin' Irish

A few hours after all but flushing their season completely down the toilet with a double overtime loss to Connecticut last weekend, Jimmy Clausen got in an altercation with a fan outside of a restaurant/bar in South Bend, Indiana.

Clausen was reported to have received a black eye from the incident.

He was with his family leaving the restaurant/bar when the punch was thrown. The person who threw the punch has not been identified.

Lucky for you, Korked Bats has a few pretty good ideas as to who the culprit could be.


Suspect #1:
Bald Bull

I think whenever someone gets punched, it always best to first accuse someone from Mike Tyson's Punch Out video game first... I'm just sayin'.


Suspect #2:
The Fighting Irish

Don't automatically rule him out because he is the school's mascot. This guy has a lot to be pissed at: his team's horrible season, his height, the fact that he's balding, his hat doesn't fit him anymore, the upper part of his arms are much much longer than his forearms. Let's face it, it sucks to be him. So he definitely could have taken his frustration out on Clausen.


Suspect #3:
This Lady


She's done it once, she could do it again.


Suspect #4:
Hawaiian Punch Dude

Probably another case of Napoleon's complex, or maybe he is just pissed about his team getting beat real bad by Clausen and the Fighting Irish in their bowl game last year. (However, I don't think he could have given Clausen a black eye, I heard his punch is kind of fruity.)


Suspect #5:
The Punching Nun

First clue: She Punches. Second Clue: She's Catholic.
Do we really need any other clues?


However, whoever did it, could you blame them? I think this guy is just asking to be punched in the face.

So on behalf of us here at Korked Bats, we would like to thank whoever it was who punched Jimmy Clausen in the face. You did all of America a favor. Next, could you punch Tim Tebow, Lane Kiffin, Josh McDaniels, or Gilbert Gottfried?




Tuesday, November 24, 2009

High Flying and High Fiving Vince



It's always good to have the refs on your side. Just ask Vince Young.

After the final play of last night's Monday Night Football AFC South matchup of the Tennessee Titans and Houston Texans, Titans quarterback Vince Young went up top with the head referee, Jerome Boger.

Korked Bats Look Alikes - Bat Noah

Chicago Bulls Forward/Center Joakim Noah and supermarket tabloid sensation Bat Boy


Does anyone else see it?!



Saturday, November 21, 2009

Who Not to Start - Fantasy Week 11


Who Not To Start - Week 11:

Edward Cullen

I'm going to be honest. I have never seen Twilight, don't have any idea what it is about other than vampires, nor could I tell the difference between a screen shot of it and Harry Potter. I even had to ask a friend who the main character was before writing this post and found out it's both Edward Cullen AND Jacob Black (I chose Edward just because I know someone named Jacob Black and I would endorse starting him EVERY week). I don't get it. Never have, never will. I was able to withstand the absurd popularity the first movie and now it looks like were at it again with part two.



Not since the roll-out of Yikes! Pencils into elementary book fairs everywhere, have I seen such a mind-boggling obsession sweeping the nation. Except the Yikes! Pencils obsession wasn't mind-boggling because they were legendary, like the Blue Barracudas.

I swear, if it wasn't for Facebook stati (That's my plural for status. Screw you spell-check, I win this time) I would be so lost when it come's to pop culture. So yesterday when I was scrolling through my News Feed/Live Feed/Homepage/first thing I am presented when I log in to Facebook, it seemed like everyone and their mother (yes, my mom has Facebook and I bet yours does too. Or maybe your dad does, like Austin's -- Shout out to Big Rod! THE Man.) was talking about "New Moon". Here's some actual examples I copied and pasted:

• • •

"OMG!!!! New Moon tonight!! Can't wait!"


"Goin to see New Moon tonight with muh girliez!"


"NEW MOON=SIMPLY AMAZING!!!!!!!"


"so tired, so worth it. new moon AMAAZING. hooommme today!! :) :)"


"Why can't there be more guys that look like Jacob Black.. I think I'm in love"


"OMG NEW MOON OMG EDWARD CULLEN IS SO HOTT OMG!!"


"Never been happier about vampires."


"Would give anything to be Kristen Stewart for just one day...JUST ONE!!!!! amazing movie"


"It's really hard to stay on Team Edward when Jacob Black looks like THAT!...meow!"

• • •


OK, that's enough. You get the point and I'm sure if you're not living here, and have a Facebook of your own, you've seen your fair share of similar stati.

Anyway, with the cult-like following on a monumental scale, I fear that fantasy owners all over the land, from California, to the New York Island, from the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters (Sorry, I had a flashback to my 2nd grade production of "Hooray for Hollywood". Shout out #2 to Lipscomb Elementary) will actually attempt to start Edward Cullen. Bad idea. Even though he's dreamy and has six pack abs mirroring my own, he doesn't play football. I promise.

So I'm going to tell you one time, don't start Edward Cullen this week or your fantasy team will instantly be as horrible as Charlie Weis's job security at Notre Dame.

And FernGully is a way better movie.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fat Joke Of The Day

Mad props to the students of Kansas State for this sign making fun of Kansas Jayhawks head coach Mark Mangino.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The White Stuff

As many of you have heard by now, Sammy Sosa is this generation's Michael Jackson. He was seen on November 4th in Las Vegas.

First of all, I thought what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?! What a buncha croc. Sorry, Sammy.

Secondly, it's just a "skin rejuvenation" process. Of course! This "skin rejuvenation" must be like hair coloring product and Sammy just mistakenly bought the wrong color for his skin type. He bought "The Wayans Brothers in White Chicks Skin Rejuvenation" when he was probably looking for "That Guy From Blood Diamond Skin Rejuvenation". Honest mistake.

Sosa claims to be taking it to help rejuvenate his skin for the number of years he spent out in the sun playing baseball.

Sammy has apparently started something in the world of sports. If you haven't noticed, tons of famous black athletes are trying out this skin rejuvenation process. They want to see what it's like to be white... Or as they call it, unathletic.

Below are a few before and after pictures of famous black athletes who are seeing side effects from rejuvenating their skin.

Usain Bolt

Before Skin Rejuvenation:


After Skin Rejuvenation:



Michael Jordan

Before Skin Rejuvenation:


After Skin Rejuvenation:



Barry Bonds

Before Skin Rejuvenation:


After Skin Rejuvenation:



Ben Wallace

Before Skin Rejuvenation:


After Skin Rejuvenation:




Special thanks to Keith Montgomery for the images.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Dear Mr. Greinke

Dear Zack,


First and foremost, congratulations. You are beyond deserving. You are hands down the best pitcher in baseball. Your statistics blew everyone else out of the water. Even beyond the normal statistics, beyond the ERA and the WHIP, when one looked at statistics often less measured, you were in a different ballpark (presumably striking out hitters there, too). You were better against All-Star hitters than any other batters. Your ERA got lower as you faced batters for a second and third time in a game. It took you ten pitches to get out of an inning of the All-Star game. You struck out a batter on a pitch that ended up hitting him in the foot.

Embarrassing.
Fooled.
Dumbfounded.

All words that described batters after facing you. Yet, all year, one word rose above the rest to describe your pitching. Filthy. Now, if they didn't know already, the entire country knows you are the best pitcher in the game. But that's not why I'm writing you. I'm writing you to say thanks.

I'm a Kansas City sports fan. Diehard Royals. Diehard Chiefs. I lived through the 90s and now the first decade of this new millennium, two decades in which only one word resonates through the Kansas City sports community: disappointment.

My friends and I speak of 1985 like we were there, though few of us were born at the time. We hold the World Series victory as our one true victory as KC sports fans, a victory three years prior to when I would first rock my powder blue Royals onesie. 2003 was the year of the fan in Kansas City. The Chiefs went 13-3, Priest ran wild. The Royals had the most magical season of my lifetime. But still, no victory. Nothing to boast come awards season. When I reflect on 2003, it's as though we won the World Series, as though Kansas City was the center of the sports world. But in the big picture, nothing.

I've seen the Royals have potential. I've seen that potential lead to heartbreak, and I've seen that potential leave for bigger and brighter. I've said goodbye to Damon and Dye, seen Beltran head for the National League. I had an awkward goodbye with Sweeney. I remember Angel Berroa amounting to nothing. I saw Juan Gonzalez and Benito Santiago wearing the Blue and White. I've seen Tony Peña Jr. take the field over 100 times in our uniform. I've seen more managers than I can name.

I have been a constant advocate for the "every team gets one player in the All-Star game" rule.

I've celebrated 99 loss seasons.

I've lived to see the greatest Royal of all time go down in history as that guy who confessed to "shitting his pants a couple of times a year." His words, not mine.

Every year has been "the year," until June, at which "next year" was "the year."

And then there is the Chiefs. I've seen winning seasons. I've lived good years. I saw Joe Montana up close, Marcus Allen jump over pile after pile into the end zone. I saw Derrick get 7.5 sacks... In one game. I lived Marty ball. I saw Neil Smith at a Waffle House and about pissed my pants. I saw us dominate the Raiders. Over and over again. Priest is still a god as far as I'm concerned. In 1997 they drafted my hero, some basketball playing tight end from California. But, like the rest of my KC sports life, there was a downside. A massive downside.

Lin Elliot had best hope that we are never in the same place at the same time. My father still mutters "looks like Bono," anytime Cassel makes a bad pass.

I remember where I was on February 8th, 2000. I was holding back tears after hearing about Derrick Thomas. In fact, I'm holding back tears right now, just writing about him.

I saw Trent and Priest go down. I bought into the Larry Johnson kool-aid. I've seen all eight wins we've had the past two-plus seasons. I've debated the following questions: "Who is a better starting QB, Huard or Thigpen?" I watched Hard Knocks just to see Brodie Croyle's wife.

I have to watch Jared Allen rope calves and rock the mullet, all in Viking purple.

I have footballs signed by Tamarick Vanover, Bam Morris, and Andre Rison. Those same signatures are on some paperwork at Leavonworth Penitentiary.

I've lived the life of a Kansas City sports fans.

And here you came, in a year where the Chiefs let the best player in franchise history, the best at his position of all time, head to Atlanta, there was some magic in KC. Thank you. A year where the Chiefs were coming off a 2 win season, and apparently right back into another one, there was some magic in KC. A year where the second leading rusher in franchise history dropped a gay slur twice in three days, calling out his coach and fans alike, all before he finally left town. Yet you brought the magic.

Once every five games, you brought the magic. Once every five games the city would unite to watch you, and you never failed to bring your stuff. Night in and night out. The cover of Sports Illustrated couldn't jinx you. The dreadful defense couldn't throw off your game. The lack of offense couldn't have worried you less. Batters looked ahead in their schedule to see if they could avoid you on trips to KC. I saw you strike out Morneau and Mauer back to back. I saw 15 strike outs. I saw your first eight starts eclipse anything anyone had ever thought possible. I saw you finish strong when the rest of your team (sans Billy Butler) had seemingly cashed it in for the year.

And I saw you do it all with a certain sense of pride and accomplishment, all alongside your humble persona. You never once called your team out, but many times could have, justifiably. I know I called them out for you. Even after winning the Cy Young you said you thought Felix Hernandez deserved more votes. Class.

And in top Kansas City sports form, I saw the most talented player on the Chiefs attempt to draw some attention on your day, convictions of performance enhancers. He failed. This is your city now.

I saw you have the most magical season I've ever seen out of a Kansas City sports figure. We all did. Thank you.

Thank you,
Kyle Ayers

P.S. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Only fitting.


Korked Bats Look Alikes - Lego Rodgers

Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers and this green ninja Lego Man


Does anyone else see it?!



Sunday, November 15, 2009

Who Not to Start - Fantasy Week 10


Who Not To Start - Week 10:
shawna1mg4.jpg
The Icebox

Well everyone, it's already week 10 in the NFL. Can you believe it? If you have been following this weekly Who Not To Start post loyally then you are probably 9-0 in your respective fantasy leagues. Congratulations!

Choosing Becky "Icebox" O'Shea this week was tough, really tough. The Icebox has been my sleeper pick all year. I was just certain she was going to be called up at any time by a team like the Chiefs, Rams, or Raiders who needed to put a little spunk in their offense. I was really hoping for the possibility of witnessing Ray Lewis leveling Becky on a screen pass followed by the screaming of "No mercy!"

To which the Icebox would have of course replied with a smirk, "No ball!".

Man, I love that line.

However, my constant monitoring of the waiver wire has proved to be unnecessary and I am here to finally admit to myself and everyone else, Becky O'Shea isn't walking through that door.

So now that we've cleared things up as far as the Icebox's fantasy prospectus, we might as well check in on what the Lisa Leslie of football is up to these days.

  • She played Michael Douglas' daughter in, The American President
  • She has learned to play the trombone
  • She guest-starred in CBS's "Morning Glory" (never heard of it)
  • She was in the "Ladies Man" TV series (which I also wasn't aware existed)
  • She also got pretty decent looking. Pictures you ask?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2371/2042749893_14d7ff55f9.jpg?v=0

http://content9.flixster.com/photo/11/11/34/11113451_tml.jpg

So please take my advice and do not start Becky O'Shea, no matter how difficult that may be. It looks like we will be waiting a little longer before we get to see her take the NFL by storm. In the meantime watch this trailer and wonder what the NFL GM's are waiting on.




Saturday, November 14, 2009

Vinny T. In History

Yesterday was a historic day in American... No wait... WORLD History!

If you don't know by now, then you OBVIOUSLY don't listen to the news.

And it's not this whole, 'finding water on the moon' thing!
(which HAS to be true... SPACE.com reported it was. That's the official website of outer space!)

Yesterday will be forever locked into history as...

Vinny Testaverde's Birthday


Vinny T.
Gah, what a guy.

Three cheers for him:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Why?

The man played 21 years in the NFL. I'm sorry, what?!

Don't think that's impressive? Let's look at this at a different angle then.

Let's say you marry this chick (or boy for all our female readers) the night Vinny T. wins the Heisman Trophy in 1986. By the time he gets drafted first overall by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, you find out you're wife is 4 months preggers (I don't know why you wouldn't find out any sooner? Too caught up in Vinny's poor showing in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl, but we won't talk about that) which means you guys are having a honeymoon baby!


By the time Vinny T. starts his first season with the Buccaneers, your beautiful son is born.

It's now August 1988. Look at that, Vinny T. is getting the first of many career starts in the NFL and your son is one year old. Gotta love the 80s!

In his first year, your son poops a lot, wakes you up from deep sleeps crying, and just annoys the crap out of you. Ironically, Vinny Testaverde does the same throwing for 13 touchdowns and 35 interceptions with a 47.6% completion rate.

However, as the years went on Vinny T. begins to mature, as does your son.

In 1992, after your sons 6th birthday, Testaverde improves to 14 touchdowns with only (I say that lightly) 16 interceptions. It is after this year that you and your family decide to move to Cleveland.


Ironically, so does Vinny T. (Small world!)

He signs as an unrestricted free agent in 1992 with the Browns.


In 1998, you move to New York and your son, after turning twelve, makes you the most proud you've ever been of him. Vinny T. also makes fans the happiest they have ever been of him. He throws for 29 TDs and only 7 INTs with a 101.6 QB Rating.

The next year, Vinny tears his Achilles tendon and is out for the year. Your son? You send him to boarding school for the year.

Speaking of school, as the years went on you son slowly starts to do worse with his grades. Especially in high school starting in 2002. Of course, it didn't help that you and your family were moving every few years! He couldn't get settled.

Same for Vinny. From 2002 to 2007 he played for four different teams.


Since your son's grades were slipping, he wasn't able to graduate high school. He stayed in high school a lot longer than he probably should have. Just like Vinny in the NFL. In 2007, when he finally retired, Vinny was the second oldest starting quarterback in NFL history at the age of 44 years old.

Your son also had a record in 2007, at the age of 21 he was the second oldest person to still be in high school. Second only to Billy Madison. But heck, your son was able to make a a lot of friends since he was the only person in the high school who able to legally buy booze.


Aren't you proud of your son? You raised him to become a 21 year old high school student and mimicked his life after the career of Vinny Testaverde.

So all this to say, Vinny Testaverde had 21 years in the NFL.

Vinny, we here at Korked Bats appreciate you and all you have done for the game of football. You are probably asking: "Korked Bats, what the heck has Vinny T. done for the game of football?"

Easy...

He has proved that guidos can have successful athletic careers.


Happy Birthday Vinny Testaverde!

In honor of this great day, I want to give you guys the gift of a video dedicated to the career of Vinny AND a poorly Photoshopped picture of Vinny riding a Segway. Enjoy!